Transcript of a radio broadcast by Rev. Joyce Kramer, May 30, 2013.
Man’s inability to relate peacefully with other people is a plague affecting our world today. Friction in human relationships causes much loss—loss of money, time, business; loss of health, peace of mind, and even loss of lives.
People have falsely believed if only we had world peace everything would be great. For hundreds of years, war after war has been fought with the belief in mind that winning it would mean lasting peace. It hasn’t proven to be true. Someday perhaps we will learn that a condition of peace can never be gained by other than peaceful methods.
Since lack of peace involves our relationships with people obviously we must start at the beginning by learning to live more peacefully ourselves. Peace begins within the mind and heart of people. It involves our attitudes toward others, the way we see people and our response to them.
What is your attitude toward other people? Do you believe that people are generally good and cooperative? Do you look for the good in every individual that you encounter daily? Do you enjoy people for what they are, or are you more concerned about what they are not? Do you tend to seek out what is wrong with others (their imperfections and failings), frequently criticizing and condemning them?
Many people have allowed themselves to judge others who do not think, feel, act or dress as themselves nor do they subscribe to their particular beliefs. Sometimes these judgmental attitudes take the form of overtly hostile words and actions. At other times they take the form of subtle suggestions of doubt, suspicion and distrust planted in the minds of others.
Consider the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:1-5 and how they fit into our present relationships. “Judge not, that ye be not judged for with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, ‘Let me pull out the mote of thine eyes; and behold a beam is in thine own eye?’ Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”
The judgments that we make tell us something about ourselves. We should then seek to take care of what needs to be corrected in our own life; otherwise we have nothing to offer to another person.
Consider the word, “We are judged by our own judgment.” The judgments that we make regarding others are very revealing of our own nature. If we judge people harshly, unkindly, and in an unloving fashion, the indication is that we are hostile, cruel and unloving. We do reveal a great deal about ourselves by the judgments that we make to those who have eyes to see.
From another standpoint, it would be well if we would exercise great wisdom and caution in our judgments of another, particularly if we are interested in our own well-being. It is said that “the whole universe is a mirror that reflects back to you that which you reflect into it.” What you reflect in your universe, through your thoughts, words and actions come back to you. Reflect into your universe hate and hostility, greed, suspicions, distrust, condemnation and judgment and you have set into operation a universal law that will bring them back to you. Is that the way you really want others to respond to you—with hate, suspicion, distrust, condemnation and judgmental attitudes?
In the book of Luke, there is a story about the encounter of Zacchaeus, a tax collector, with Jesus. Zacchaeus was one of a group of wealthy publicans in Jericho who regulated the imports and exports between Judea and Perea and collected high taxes from those involved in the buying and selling of goods.
Zaccheaus had heard about Jesus and his curiosity was stirred when it was reported that Jesus was coming through town. Zacchaeus was a very small man and there was no way he could see Jesus over the heads of crowds of people. Zacchaeus looked around, saw a beautiful large tree near the road and climbed the tree so he had an unobstructed view of the road and Jesus walking along.
As Jesus passed by, near the tree where Zaccheaeus sat, he looked up and said, “Zacchaeus, make haste and come down for today I must abide at thy house.” What a surprise? He could hardly believe his ears. There were many very important people in the crowd, yet Jesus was noticing the hated tax collector. He was going to be a guest in his home.
Jesus seemed to give no thought to the matter that Zacchaeus was not only unwise, but a dishonest tax collector. Zaccheaus was a man whose character had been perverted by an excessive love for material things, and as a result he had become greedy and unjust. There were those in the crowd who said, “Look at that! Jesus will be a guest in the home of a man who is a known sinner.”
Notice that Jesus did not judge Zaccheaus. He did not condemn him for his failings. He did not say, “Zacchaeus, I will not stay with you because you are not worthy.” Instead, he simply commanded Zacchaeus to come down from the tree and proceeded to go home with him and enjoy his company. As a result of Zacchaeus heeding the call of Jesus Christ, his whole life was changed.
Through this personal contact a desire was stirred in the heart of Zacchaeus; a desire to do better, to be his best. He even agreed to restore the money he had taken—and with interest.
This lesson should tell us a great deal regarding our relationships with others. It is not what we try to convince people of that starts them on the road to a better life. Pointing out one’s failings and shortcomings ordinarily accomplishes no good thing. Good results, transformations, changes come when we are strong enough, and wise enough to trust the Spirit of God within another to lead him rightly.
Consider your own life. How can you relate to others in a happier, more meaningful way? “Others” is an inclusive term, relative to every person you have contact with including parents, children, husband, wife, boss, employee, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, and strangers.
Learn to accept people and enjoy them as they are. Jesus did not try to convert or change Zacchaeus—he simply accepted him as an important human being. All people are important no matter what outer labels we have put on them. Importance has nothing to do with race, color, political affiliations, religious connections, heredity, or any other outer thing. All people are important, as God has placed His own Spirit within each and every one—even if it doesn’t appear that someone is expressing it to a high degree at the moment. “Know ye not that you are the temple of the living God and the Spirit of God dwelleth in you.” Think of it! You are an abiding place for the very-living, ever-loving God.
Knowing this helps greatly improve our ability to relate to others, for we now have a common bond, the spirit within. The Truth is, we are a part of every person, and every person is a part of us. We need to realize this true relationship and act accordingly, realizing our oneness in Spirit is the first step toward establishing beautiful, happy relationships with others.
Be intimidated by no one. Are there certain people in whose presence you feel fearful? If so, why? No one is any better than you. Learn to take an inner stand with an awareness of your own inner integrity. God’s Spirit is in you, God’s Spirit is within another. Stand fast in this awareness and always be true to your inner guidance.
When you have a tendency to fear a person, do not allow yourself to withdraw as you feel inclined to do. Instead, silently affirm your security in God and your oneness with His love and power. Decide to expand your relationships to include more people, knowing that you can learn something of great value from every person in your world. There is an old saying that goes, “no man my enemy, no man my friend, but all men my teachers.” Look at others with eyes of love, knowing that your happiness is not dependent upon them, but that they can serve to teach you some valuable lessons in life and living.
To promote meaningful relationships, avoid weakening and hurting another by doing too much for him. The only value is that it may make you feel needed, but you have no right to use others for that reason. Seeking to make any person dependent upon us is a sign of weakness on our own part. Doing for others that which they are unwilling to do for themselves only encourages their dependency and keeps them from growing into mature, well-adjusted, and capable individuals. Everyone must someday learn to rely upon his own Infinite Creative Spirit. Encourage another to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Let your words, your thoughts, your deeds and actions with anyone always show acceptance of him as a strong, capable, dynamic, responsible individual.
When you have a problem with another person, face it directly. Small problems get magnified out of proportion when talked over with people who are not really involved in the situation. Whenever conflict arises, either talk about it to the person involved or get professional help. We should never be so unkind to family or friend that we drag them into a situation where they should not be; nor should they know anything about. The more people we involve with our problems, the more complex the problems become, the greater division takes place—instead of the unity or oneness that we need.
Never talk about someone; talk to him. If you have a question about someone’s action toward you, do not talk to someone else about it, but to the individual directly involved. Face directly whatever or whomever it is that you need to face. If you have something on your mind, go to the person involved and talk about it.
Learn to bless people. When someone is causing you a problem or bothering you in some way, take time every day to recognize that God is within him. Each time the person comes to mind, gently affirm that God is filling him with His own spirit and that all things are working together for his good. Know that God is blessing him with wisdom and love and guiding him into right action. This will do more than all the good advice you will ever give. Try it and see. Use such a statement as “The Christ in me beholds the Christ in you.”
There is such a need today for universal caring and universal love. There is a need that we as individuals begin to see others as God sees them, as important, individual expressions of the one life that is God. Give thanks that they are fulfilling their own plan and purpose in life in the way that is right and good for them.
When we really care for people, when we are interested in them and willing to enjoy them, we will be very eager to relieve their suffering and problems. This we can do by seeing rightly, by taking the time to bless the person who comes to mind. Take time to bless a troublesome person, or one whom you distrust, or one whom you doubt or fear. There is something each and every person can do to relate more effectively to others. Let us seek to make the effort to learn how in order that we may experience true universal harmony, oneness and unity with God and man.